I am falling out of touch with my seasons. I hope that mama n will forgive me for now. Being home alone has become my new favorite thing. I am aching for a change, and I've always sensed that this place is not perfect for me, but almost perfect. Not quite pure enough put not impure enough either. I think next year will be different, know it will be different, surrounded by pretty little houses, closer to the side of this city that has my heart, both in people and in general spirit. For the first time ever, I am really annoyed with school, I have other things I want to be doing, learning music, writing, writing, writing and these things seems infinitely more important to my well-being than other things. I know that I love school, but I am just forgetting a little bit.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Only Skin? 16 minutes of awe. I am wondering if this love for Joanna Newsom is bordering obsession. I think it is good for me. Something to work towards. I usually allow myself to fall short, but I am tired of doing that, I want to challenge myself. To do things that are not easy, and to do them BETTER.

Unfortunately, this attitude is not applying to school, hence it being 12:30 and me not having bothered to start studying for my midterm tomorrow. How do you study for a language test anyways?

You don't.

SICK DAZE

I have been cooped up in bed for the last two days, some flu has gotten a hold of me. Being sick makes me anxious, though on days when I am feeling fine I don't do much of anything anyways. I don't trust that I will feel tip-top tomorrow, but I need to go to class, I have tests and things to prepare for. I am out of chapstick, it's all gone MIA and I am biting my poor lips until they bleed and covering them in lipgloss so that I look kinda like death but with really shiny lips. I am feeling so impatient, so anxious, nervous about not finding a subletter, deciding, despite it's financial repercussions that I will move to MKE either way because it is what my summer needs, what I need most definitely. A tight group of interwoven friends, all who are always working on their various creative endeavors, I need that kind of motivation, I need that kind of family for a while. I have never been more excited for a summer.

And, of course, there are other things.

I know this is mundane, but I needed to write, even if it was no good.