Thursday, August 30, 2012

It's hot again here. All summer I've been melting inside, there is almost nothing solid left in there. It's not sad or tragic, it's just a phase, the knowledge that it is such is both a blessing and a curse. I feel like I'm back in middle school, younger than I have since I was 13, angsty but bored. Right on the cusp of sweet slumber got a message that said "Your Mom says you're depressed. Don't be.", which kept me up all night. It was strict but soft advice, as advice from this "elder" always is, really the only type of advice I'll listen to, most everyone else I choose to ignore or get a little upset with. Labels make me too excited and always feel inaccurate which is why I never use them. I will never call myself a writer, an artist, a singer, any of those things, they make me too giddy, too important. People tell me my problem is that I don't think I'm worthy. But I know it is this same quality, "modesty" that is likable, charming about me. I don't think I'm worth it, which is what makes me worth it. Or something along those lines. Not to say there are not other reasons I am a person worth knowing, or that if I lost this quality I would lose all my friends, but just something to make note of. I haven't been writing enough this summer, I want to write more things like this, like blog posts, but I am trying to find a way in which I can turn blog posts into series, into viable pieces of literature that people will read as such and not tell me I reveal too much of myself on public forums. Because if you want to write things, that is, in essence, what you do, whether it gets put in print or only on the interwebs. So that's the new plan. To start to edit and piece together my various ramblings from various times and various places and put them together. Wish me luck.