Tuesday, December 15, 2009


It is home, for now. Really, I feel happy here, and I love my roommates and I love my friends. I see my new friends distinctly as friends of an older me. We talk about things that matter, without talking about them too seriously, but in a comfortable way. It is what I need, always, people close to me to talk to, just about things whatever they are. I love it here, as I suspect I could love it anywhere, with the right amount of time and the right amount of effort, you can make friends and love where you are. I am trying to turn a little more flighty, or not so much to become, but to allow myself to be. I used to think I didn't have it in me, but I keep surprising myself and realizing I was just holding things back because I assumed they were wrong. We can not do good things all the time but we can't do bad things all the time either, I am trying to choose my bad habits carefully.

Madison is my home for now. I am never homesick in the true sense, where you miss something so much that it turns into a physical ache, a dry heave. I can't believe the semester is already over, and even though the speed at which it passed is scary, it is also nice because I have done more things in one semester than I did in a whole year and I feel good about things. I am a little distant from my words today, because I am so sleepy, and sleepy is the exception to the physical and emotional detachment, I feel it in my mind and throughout my body, my whole being just begging me to shut down for a while, to stop thinking at all. Sleep is strange, and it scares me a little, all of the things I might be missing while I'm sleeping. Though I suppose I am missing just as many things when I am awake, so I could either choose to be scared all the time or be scared never. I used to choose the first, but I'm getting smarter.

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