We're supposed to write everyday for creative writing, and I feel as though it should be done in a notebook, but by the time I am done writing in there, I am too tired to write here. Plus, I haven't anything to say these days.
My self-awareness has been on hiatus, though it seems to come back for periodic visits. Usually during discussion. So that I kind of freeze, look around the room emptily, and hope that the clock moves a little faster. It is no way to go through school. I spend most of my time in my bed, which I don't mind a bit, but I am building up the strangest social confidence inside the walls of my bedroom and I am not sure that it translates to the real world. But I am just trusting that it will. I am trusting that people like me or that if they are particularly opposed to me, they will drop a hint. I don't think that I have lost it all together.
When getting to know people, I don't talk much. I just observe. I suppose it's not fair, getting to know them and not letting them get to know me. I think that I am under the impression I can trick them into liking me if I show them that I am well versed in their inner workings. But it is less about tricking people, than learning to love them. Not that it is hard. Most people are easy to love. But I just want to make sure I do it properly. It seems so taboo to tell people you love them. As though you are not supposed to do it until you have known them forever. You are not supposed to tell them why you think they are great until you have been through some sort of miraculous bonding experience.
But sometimes, sometimes you just wanna tell people anyways. Maybe not straight-forward, but in simpler ways. I don't think there is anything wrong with this.