I am listening to Recommendation on repeat, which is probably the maddest that I'll get. I rationalize everything that anyone does, because everyone has reasons for what they do. The problem these rationalizations usually make me less and less mad at other people and more mad at myself. I should know better by now. I should be better at these sorts of things and I should, once again, always and forever stop asking too much of people and ask a little more of myself. I want to leave and go somewhere more comfortable. Like Portland crammed in bed with my two cousins watching house and eating disgusting amounts of candy. I need heavy Welch enforcements right now. I am quaking in my boots about Kenya and about my heart and how I am getting older and stranger by the second and less and less like the tree. I am mourning everyone else's tragedies today, maybe because I don't have enough of my own or maybe just because I want to feel in touch with people again. I am always around if anyone needs me. It's maybe the worst thing about me.
"for you beautiful ones,
my thought is not changeable"