Monday, November 1, 2010

I've never been so busy that I don't have time to think about how I am feeling. And I want to know how I feel about that, but I don't even have time to think about that. It's probably best, I usually mourn the loss of things for longer than they deserve. Mom says I have to find a more positive way to give things their credit. I've been almost cut off from Milwaukee because I don't have proper time to stay in touch and because I don't have time to think about my love for all of them, individually or to write heart-felt letters. Actually, almost anyone who is not in direct contact with me seems to be lost temporarily, and always there is this little part of me worried that I am letting them slip through my fingers. I want to be in love with something or something to be in love with me, and maybe and hopefully Kenya is the thing, for now and then I will come back a little different.

I am usually so busy swallowing everyone's lives, because that is how I get to know people and mostly what I want to do is get to know people, but suddenly my own life is too filling.

This school year started with a whirlwind. I can't get it to stop. But for the last week my body has been begging me to take a chance to mourn the losses of summer and of now. I seem to have impeccably bad timing in people's lives. Maybe I am not flexible enough. and I am certainly not patient enough.

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