Thursday, January 21, 2010


hair dye
being yourself
going out in public
too many pancakes
middle school
lots of other things

are we moving apart together? where are we going? why don't people put me in their pocket? i am tiny, i can be quiet, i'd fit nicely in there.

we crave the proper proportions of self-hatred, because for some of us, it is the only way we know how to live with ourselves. i am happy, no, just content, just not a pile of sad bones. i am afraid that i will always be shaking my fists and pounding on doors, trying to find the place where i belong, while always suspecting that it is nowhere in particular or everywhere to some lame extent. it's why i dream of places i've never been to, places no one i know has ever been to, because in my head they are mine, and if they are mine, then maybe i am theirs. my brother says i'm not a normal girl and i agree. i did my best to raise myself as a boy, but we we both got stuck with sentimental hearts, and with all the shit we put in them, they really weigh us down.

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